| 12-01-09 |
[01 Dec 2009|03:27am] |
2:57 am
So I have this idea for a great movie. Recently 2 creatures have been at the center of popular culture: Vampires and Zombies.
I think you know where I'm going with this. Imagine Zombified Vampires. Vampzies, if you would indulge me. The premise would be something like this; Vampires have been hiding within the human population for as long as there have been humans. 25 years ago they finally emerged to the public, demanding equal rights. Inter-species couples start to be seen walking hand-in-hand. Humans started to retaliate -- small at first; a little vandalism, then it becomes progressively worse. The first "death" of a vampire marks the beginning of a war.
For the last 19 years, humans have been slowly losing the war due to vampires' superhuman strength and speed, stealth, and flight capabilities. As of last year the vampires have claimed millions of lives, and turned billions more. Vampires are now evenly numbered with humans.
Seeing the eventual extinction of the human race, a group of scientists start to create a bio-weapon. A man made virus. The the purpose is to "cure." Although early stages of the virus were all failures, the virus showed promise. More recent strains have targeted the motor functions of the brain, and deteriorated nearly all cells of the body. The virus moves rapidly, and the first stages can be spotted within the first few hours of contact.
Essentially the virus turns the host body into a "zombie." There is an accident, and it cannot be contained. It spreads throughout a third of the human population in the first 2 months. The vampires are hit hard as well, sweeping through them just as quickly. Humans are now fighting a war on three fronts; the zombies, the vampires, and the vampzies. Some small groups have even made an unlikely alliance with vampires to stop the spread, though most pacts were broken by an increasing hunger due to lack of prey (for the vampires).
Imagine being the last of a dying race. Fighting a being that has super speed, strength, flight, and stealth, who's only agenda is to feed. The darkness is closing in around you on all sides. What would you do?
Hell yea, that movie would be awesome.
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| 11-28-09 |
[29 Nov 2009|12:11am] |
Life seems to stand still and move past me at the same time. It's been about 6 years since I really started becoming an individual, slowly developing the person I am now, and the person I will be. About every 2 years something drastic seems to happen to throw everything off and set it in a new course.
I'm sitting here, at my desk, still in work clothes. I got off early tonight to hang out with some new friends, but everyone hung out last night because of someone's dad being home. I wanted them all to come here, because I was going to hang out with one of the girls specifically. That didn't happen, of course. Her name is Cara. I heard through the grapevine that she thought I was cute and was excited to hang out with everyone so she could meet me. I'm a sucker for a girl who is into me, and persistence really pays off.
Going back to my point about every 2 years; I'm due for another life-altering event. This girl could possibly be the next girl I spend 2 years of my life with. Maybe more, maybe nothing at all, who knows. I know I feel like I'm ready every time, but this time around, if things really do happen, I feel like I am going to be an even better boyfriend and actually make the girl happy throughout the relationship. Every girl is different, but there are fundamental rules for keeping a girl happy. I may not know them all yet, but I think I have a much better idea.
And to be honest, I can't wait. I feel like I'm over Emily now and ready to dive head-first into something new. I suppose there will always be an issue of closure with Emily that will probably never get resolved, but I'm okay with that for now.
I'm pretty sure I'll be renewing my lease here with Jesse. He's a great friend who always has good intentions and a good sense of morality.
I'm concerned for Kira, though. She hasn't written me an email or a text for weeks. Last time we really talked was the day I had jury duty (which, thankfully, I got out of). We talked on the phone while she was helping me get un-lost downtown near the courthouse, which also happens to be right down the street from her work. She told me she got a second job hostessing, but is really in debt and might be getting evicted. I want to be there for her, but I think she is so stressed out she doesn't even want to talk. I try to send her a text every once in a while to say hello, but I don't get a reply. I hope she's okay.
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| 10-03-09 |
[03 Oct 2009|01:55pm] |
Metallica concert was pretty amazing. Center, 12th row up. Here's to procrastination! They played too much off the new album, but they threw in some really great songs. Highlight of the night: Shortest Straw. Very rarely played, and still one of the most badass songs ever written. I feel bad for this guy I work with. He called me up yesterday, here's how it went:
Justin - I'm going to make your day
Me - What's up?
Justin - The guy I was supposed to go to the concert with flaked out on me, so I have an extra ticket, you're the only one I thought would like to go.
Me - Uh
Justin - I won't charge you for it or anything, I just don't want to go alone.
Me - Well I can't take off tomorrow night, I already took off thursday
Justin - No, not tomorrow
Me - Wait, you don't mean the one in Tampa this saturday?
Justin - No, the one in sawgrass on the 10th.
Me - Well I have some bad news for you.
Justin - What?
Me- The concert was last night
10 seconds of silence
Justin - You're fucking with me
Me - No
Justin - Theres no way, you must be mistaken
Me - No, I'm not mistaken. I was there.
Justin - You had tickets?
Me - Yea I got them a few hours before the show. They were excellent seats too
Justin - But I could have sworn the ticket said the 10th.
Me - Nope, the 1st.
Justin - Well, I'm going to kill myself, that's all there is to it.
Poor guy.
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| 8-9-09 |
[09 Aug 2009|04:03am] |
4:04 AM.
The nights are getting longer. The days are getting shorter.
Listening to Vangelis -La-Petite-Fille-De-La-Mer
Very serene. Puts my troubled mind at ease.
Worried about the future, fretting over the past. Why can't I just let things go? Why do they linger like a bad cold? Some days things are getting better, while others seem like I slip right back in that deep hole.
Orientation is tuesday. I'm nervous. Not so much about starting school, or being around strangers, but rather, the change it's going to have on my life. I don't like change, it's difficult. But perhaps that is why I am where I am at now. I have forced changed in myself the past few months. Some in vain. While I work on myself, and the way I interact with others, I will also work on my life. School is the first step.
I want to travel, and at this moment in time I'm almost willing to do it on my own.
I've been neglecting my friendship with Naples. He's tried to contact me and I've made no effort to contact him back. I think I will try tomorrow.
Missed another opportunity to hang out with Kira, because my alarm didn't go off.
Brandon and I drove to Delray beach the other night to go to Sonic at 2 am. I didn't get home til 4:30. It was a nice drive. We didn't talk much, but that was okay. The windows were down, and the wind felt nice on my face and through my hair. He's been less in his shell lately. He's been pushing for more hangouts, which is nice after knowing him for so many years and him being so sheltered. Good for him.
Emily and I hung out thursday. We went to the beach for a little and decided to go to miami seaquarium, but found out it wasn't open very late, and it would be about $80 between the two of us. We might go next week. We'll see. Hoping to see her again, but she doesn't answer texts. I asked her if I could get my zune tomorrow and she never responded.
Jesse showed me how to make his drink "The Green Goblin." We had some last night, along with a shot of Jeiger. Came home from work and wanted to make another green goblin, but we ran out of vodka. Looks like I'll have to pick some up sometime. We watched Clerks 2 tonight. Good times. I think our friendship is growing more and more each day. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we're both kinda going through the same thing. Bonding through a common hardship. We're both dealing with it in really different ways, though. But I guess at the same time we're both attempting to do different things. He's a great guy, and I'm glad we got to this point in our lives together. He's becoming one of the best friends I've ever had. While it seems like everyone else drifts further from me, he is the only one who has done the opposite.
No homo.
The song has played 4 times in the background. I could listen to this for hours. Puts me in the mood to walk on the beach at night, looking at the sky, at the ocean, the horizon. I can't wait for another long-term serious relationship. I hope the next time around we can move in together. I'm at that point in my life.
Work was okay tonight. Pulled some strings, and was an S.A. in the first cut section. Made 81 bucks, and didn't have any sidework. I have 3 days off this week. The other 4 days are all 5 o'clock shifts. Hooray. I have tuesday, wed, and thur off. Wonder what I'll do. Haha, at this point all I want to do is sit around and drink more green goblins.
Still haven't made an appointment for the doctor. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I don't want to wait until it's too late. Maybe tomorrow afternoon I'll make the call. I've been putting it off for long enough.
It's 4:31. Maybe I should stop ranting about every boring detail in my day and attempt to get some sleep. 15 seconds left on the 5th play of the song...
Okay time for bed.
Wait one more time. So nice.
Have you ever felt like everything in this world is fake? Like it's not really happening? Like you're living in a citcom that is stuck on repeat? Or a really boring movie. That's how I feel. I'm so disconnected from the world. Everything is passing me by, and my body is just along for the ride. I think all the events that have led to this point affected me more than they should have. Is my mind so dependent on the small things most people either take for granted or have no desire for?
Sawgrass mall just popped into my mind. I only have a few memories of times I took for granted.
Okay, play number 6 just ended. Now it's really time to get going. It's 4:37. I'm not even tired...
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| 7-26-09 pre-work |
[26 Jul 2009|03:26pm] |
I gotta get ready for work in like 15 minutes. It's raining pretty hard out right now, and the power went out a few minutes ago. Yesterday i was in the first cut section and got cut around 8:30. I didn't mind. It's a nice change of pace. I'm usually there until 2. Tonight I have a feeling the first cut section will be cut very early again. I hope I'm in it. Im back on track with money, and it's nice to take weekend nights off of work. This girl, Monique, didn't get any shifts next week, so i told her she could have my saturday so I can get to West Palm, finally. Hopefully she ends up taking it.
16 more days until orientation, then signing up for classes. Can't wait.
And it wouldn't be a post unless there was some mention of Emily, so here goes; Crossing my fingers that she comes over sometime again and we watch 'Knowing.' I didn't hear from her all weekend, except for this morning when she asked me about my default picture. I'm not sure why she wants me to take it down. I like looking at it and remembering how great that night was. I had the prettiest girl in the world on my arm, who was willing to do anything for me. I was living in a sweet new pad. My job was going good. I was happy.
I think it was one of the first big things I wanted to do for Emily that I actually pulled through on. I knew she loved hockey, so I got tickets and brought her to the game. She was so happy. I was happy that I was able to do something like that for her. I know I had a lot of issues back then, but sometimes I actually was a good boyfriend. This was one of those times. It's nights like that I wish I could relive. Kind of sucks what she felt for me in that picture is gone. Gone for me, anyways. It hurts to think about it, but maybe those feelings are there, just for someone else.
Can't remember what went wrong last september. Though I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to.
When will I have this opportunity again? Seems like every time I am lucky enough to get with a girl who falls for me, I find some reason to screw it up. Not anymore. I'm not going to let myself push her away. I'm going to do everything I can to be the man these girls wanted me to be.
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| 6-22-09 |
[22 Jul 2009|11:55am] |
As I write these words I am struggling to keep my eyes open. I'm going to go back to sleep after this.
Yesterday I woke up and jumped on the computer, as always. I was feeling trapped in my own room and Had to get out. So I decided to just drive. I went to Wal*Mart first. Walked around for a little, then left, and kept driving to the mall. I passed Empire and thought of how much Emily always said she wanted one of the desserts, So I sent her a text asking if she was home, and she said she was, so I ordered one and went to her house. I told her I couldn't stay long since Michelle had invited me to her place for game night.
She and I talked for a good hour in front of her house about random things, it was nice. We have never really done that. Before we dated all we talked about really was Lauren, since it was the only common thing between us. So we chatted, she ate her dessert, then I left to shell's. I got there and let myself in, they had already begun playing Cranium, so I jumped in. It was okay, but I made the teams uneven, so every turn one of us sat out for a round.
Then we played Pictionary, and since there were still uneven teams, someone had to be all time drawer. Jesse volunteered. At first my team was winning, but then we got an answer wrong and shell's team got all the way to the finish and got the answer wrong, so we caught up and eventually won. Go team.
Everyone wanted to take a cigarrette break, and I joined them. There was this guy that came named Drew, who I had met before, years ago, back when shell and jes lived in the complex I live in now. He was the one who said I was amazing at guitar and offered a spot in his band. I told him he was just drunk, and in actuality, I was pretty terrible at guitar. Anyways, he was there and they were all talking about WoW, and Drew doesnt play games, so he was just listening in. We were all trying to throw interesting things at him to get him to start playing. I felt like a drug dealer, "You should just create a character and play for an hour or so."
Emily texted me asking if I was home, and to be honest, I was already thinking of leaving, so I told her I was aboiut to leave, and asked if she wanted to come by. She said yea, so I told everyone I was going to hit the road. They all thought I was going to play wow, since we had been talking about it for about 45 minutes. I met up with Emily at my place, and we immediately laid down and held eachother.
I thought about what she said last time, and decided to keep things simple tonight. After all, simplist is always the best. So I just held her all night. I think I maybe got 10 minutes of sleep throughout the night. I couldn't stop looking at her, thinking of how gorgeous she looked, and just relishing the moment. I mean, here's the girl I am so in love with, and she's in my arms, hold me as she slept. It felt great. She kept setting her alarm later and later until finally she just turned it off and said she'd deal with her parents later, which was cool.
Sure enough, her mother called like at 5:15 and left her a message. This kinda woke Emily up, so we said a few things to eachother, nothing important, but I was able to at least talk now after over 5 hours of silence. I finally got some sleep, but only for a couple of hours. She had to leave early since she had work at 10. We gave me a kiss on the cheek at one point, and I told her it was okay.
"Okay for what?"
"To kiss. It's pretty obvious you want to. It doesn't have to complicate things if you don't let it"
So we kissed. Every time we did it felt like a first kiss. It was amazing. Almost indescribable. She left for work around 8:30-ish. I went back to sleep for a couple hours, then got up and showered. Here I am. with (at most) 5 hours of sleep in me. Should I go back to sleep, or wait until after work and get to bed a few hours earlier than I usually do?
Beach tomorrow, hopefully.
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| 5-27-09 2:30 AM |
[27 May 2009|02:30am] |
I'm a fool.
Things really seem to be going great. She's really into being with me and is starting to act like she did when we first started dating. She's so devoted now. But this feeling is so hard to shake. I may never get over this, and it might lead to the end of us. It Should have lead to the end of us already.
Just when I think I can get past it all, I let the thought slip in. She had sex with someone else. Albeit she 'claims' that she stopped it just minutes in, started crying and felt disgusted with herself, she still let it get to that point. It's the worst feeling in the world. I thought I felt bad when Kira dumped me for someone else, but I never felt so betrayed and disgusted in my entire life. I've felt the worst of depression 3 years ago, but this time around it's different. I feel abused, taken advantage of, empty, scared, shocked, disgusted, angry, angst, self-loathing, hatred, and jealousy all at the same time.
Maybe I don't feel as depressed as I think I would/should be, because I've often wondered if I would be faithful if the same opportunity arose. If Sierra kissed me that night, would I have stopped it? I don't know. If Mandy kisses me friday night, will i stop it? I don't know. If kira kissed me, would I stop it? I don't know. Probably not. Maybe that's why I haven't dropped Emily completely. Maybe I know I would have done the same thing. Well, almost the same thing. I didn't fly to another state, and lie to her up and down.
I didn't even tell her about the nights I hung out with Sierra alone, smoked, and flirted nonstop. I didn't tell her about the few times I've seen Kira. I told her about the one with the pool, but that's it. I wasn't going to tell her about hanging out with April, until April and I talked about facebook, which eventually lead to me finding out. There are a lot of things I haven't told Emily, which makes me wonder how many things she hasn't told me, or even if I can play such a victim here. I even met someone months ago and thought it could be a potential girlfriend and pursued it for a few days. Obviously I never told her about that.
Are we even worth it? After all she's done, after all I might have done and haven't told her. After all the fights, arguments, breakups, make-ups. The signs all point to no. Every outsider says no. I question myself left and right. So why does it seem so wrong to end it completely? Maybe I have some sort of competitive nature enough that I have to win her back to feel like someone else hasn't beaten me in winning her. IDK. Maybe I have high hopes on what I think this could be. Maybe It's just my fear of losing her and being alone.
I have been open to letting another girl come by in my life and seeing if it's a better match. Does that make me a cheater already? If your entire heart isnt into the one person you're with, should you even be with her? There's only one girl who I ever felt so in love with that I never even looked twice at another girl. Even she couldn't see how much she meant to me. Maybe even still she can't tell that she was everything I ever wanted.
I don't know how long this will last with Emily. Maybe we'll never have what I want. Maybe I'll finally get what I want with her and she'll betray me again. Maybe things will work out. In any case, I still have this dream of what my perfect relationship is:
1.Same sense of humor
2.Same taste in music
3.game player
4.good talker to compliment my lack of talking
5.complete devotion of time, trust, body, mind, life, to return how I will devote
6.someone who's family I like, and who likes me
7.that feeling of not wanting anything but them
8.strong sex drive
9.same outlook on situations
10.non dramatic
I had all that once, and I want it again. This time I want it to last forever...
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| see myspace |
[22 May 2009|01:29pm] |
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Been updating my thoughts through myspace recently.
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| 5-17-09 |
[17 May 2009|03:53am] |
Its nearly 4 and im not really tired yet. My "girlfriend" is in orlando. she must not have a signal, because I haven't heard from her. I'm not sure how things are going to go from here on out. Hopefully things will improve, but I have my doubts. Everyone says that she's no good for me and I should find someone else. I tell them It's hard to find someone else. They tell me I should just drop her and be single. i guess no one understands. Hell, I don't even understand. Why do I endure such heartache, sorrow, guilt, and loneliness for rare occasions of happiness? I guess it's better to have every emotion than none.
"Death is inevitable. Our fear of it makes us play safe, blocks out emotion. It's a losing game; Without passion, you're already dead."
"There are no choices, nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwords, when you ask 'why me?' and 'what if...?' When you look back, see the branches, like a pruned bonzai tree, or a forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you. It would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions."
Kira's been gone this weekend too. I've had no one to talk to.
Amanda said she wants to hang out sometime late this month or early next month. Should be fun, she's been in college, so I think she's more exciting now. That's good, because I'm pretty boring.
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| 5-12-09 |
[12 May 2009|09:34pm] |
Been nearly 2 weeks.
In a nutshell - Emily and I have been better and worse, better and worse. We were doing really well and then I called her on the way out of work and she picked up and hung up, so I called back and it went to voicemail, so I called back and sent a text asking what happened. Then when I got to the bar I called before I went in, still no answer. So i Went inside and met up with John and had a beer and a burger. She calls back and says we need to talk when I get home. We spend like 10 minutes arguing back and forth because she refuses to tell me what's going on. After I got out of the bar I just went straight to her house and she got even more mad that I went there. She was mad that I kept calling when she hung up on me and ignored me. I asked why she didnt just pick up and she told me she was talking with amy. I told her it's common fucking courtesy to at least answer and tell me she'd call me back shortly. Why would that be so hard. At the end of it all she gave me my rings back and told me its over.
I went back the next morning and told her I wanted to say a few things, and that after I left I wouldnt bother her ever again. I said what I needed to say and started to walk away and finally added, "You dont need to worry about people abandoning you, because you push them away anyways." As I got to the front door she gave me a hug and held me close for a good minute and told me she didnt want to lose me and she just wants to take things slow. She brought me to the couch and sat me down. She straddled me and hugged me still. We kissed. I gave in again, I guess. We moved to the bedroom.
After I left it seems like she's a bit more where she was at months ago. I told her I'm not going to be disrespected again, and I won't be walked over anymore, and I hope she understand that she can't and won't do it again. Her friend finally leaves on the weekend for 7 months. Emily is going with her, but coming back monday.
Work has been kind of improving. At least as far as money goes. Made pretty good money all weekend and yesterday. Took tonight off and I'm scheduled off for the next 2 days, yay. Finally got my guitar hero world tour and played some drums for a couple hours to metallica. I'm waiting for Jesse to come home so we can play as a band.
He just called, speak of the devil. He'll be home in an hour, sweet.
No on to Kira. It's a weird feeling I'm having. Or lack thereof, I should say. When we started texting and seeing eachother I wanted to interact with her more and more, but that's starting to fade. I guess anything I felt for her is truly gone. Now all I want from her is to be friends. I really hope one day we can be better friends instead of secret friends. She tells me things that make me want to just hang out. Take today for example, she tells me she's been listening to metallica, and listed the songs she likes by them. Makes me want to invite her over to play some guitar hero. But of course, I know she won't come over, and I understand why, but it would be nice to have her over anyways.
Also when she tells me she is sad, and wants to get away I want her to know that my place is always available to her.
All in all I'd have to say I have not been as sad as I was the past few weeks.
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| That old familiar feeling |
[01 May 2009|10:51pm] |
With the absence of my girlfriend and my friends, I somehow let depression sink in yet again. Not only was I bored, but I was desperate for attention. After my roommate came home we played some guitar hero and marvel vs. capcom. I opted to cook dinner since I was in the mood for a home cooked meal, and I wanted someone to show some appreciation for me. It worked. It all came out pretty well.
Emily and I are "taking it slow" right now, though I'm not sure how much slower things can get. If I don't make an effort to talk to her in some way, I won't hear from her. Her friend has taken my place as the center of her attention, and I can't get any time with her. When I try to make any plans to see her, it seems like she gets genuinely upset, and makes up certain excuses on why we can't. Her excuse yesterday was her friend amy was going out of town for the weekend and she wont see her for 2 days. 2 days? give me a break. Do you need to spend every second with her? She said she'd watch a movie with her and then come over. That was at 8. 11:30 rolls around and she calls finally. She said she went home because her gas was low. I told her I'd pay for it, she declined.
Today she is hanging out with her friend Melissa. Even though I have a friday off, and that rarely happens. She hasnt seen melissa in a long time because melissa got a new boyfriend who she spends a lot of time with. Emily got fed up with not being able to see melissa alone, so she stopped hanging out for months. The finally made plans to hang out without him, and it happened to land on the day I have off. It's 11 and I have not heard 1 work from her all day. It's kinda sad that she doesnt want a relationship (or me) like she used to.
I told emily about how I saw Kira. That didn't go very well. Not that i expected it to. She put me in a tight situation of telling me I COULD see her and be friends, but she doesn't like it, and if I couldnt picture her doing the same thing with her ex, then I shouldn't do it. The whole deal sounds quite familiar, doesn't it? I made a huge mistake of giving up a really good friend for Kira, and every time I think about it I realize it was not the right thing to do. Even though kira and I just literally became 'friends' I don't want to have to sacrifice our friendship for this broken excuse for a relationship. I love emily, but I'm not going to do this again. I'm not going to make a choice i'm going to regret again. I've made way too many of those in my past.
I'm peeling like a snake these past few days, and it freakin' sucks. I'm all itchy and taking several showers a day because I feel really dirty. I think I'll take another on later before bed.
In unrelated news I found out Anthony is dating Brie, and thats really fuckin strange. I've yet to confirm it with Anthony though.
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| 4-24-09 |
[24 Apr 2009|01:41pm] |
Aint life funny sometimes?
Finally saw her yesterday. Finally. It was a weird experience for me. For 3 years seeing her at the top of my list. I thought it would be awkward, and to be completely honest, I wanted to see if a couple things would happen; I wanted to see if I still had any lingering feelings, and I wanted to see if we could really be friends. Except I wasn't expecting what actually happened.
It's kinda hard to explain, but I'll try. When I got out of my car I thought it was going to be weird seeing my girl standing there, looking at me without the same feelings she did the last time she was looking at me. But it wasnt my girl. This was someone else. It was still Kira, it just wasnt MY Kira. My girl was gone. So i guess to answer my first question to myself, no, I didnt have any lingering feelings because it's not the same girl (in a sense), and yes, we could be friends.
So here we were, at the gym. It 6 in the morning. I had less than 2 hours of sleep in me, and I was running on a treadmill looking over at her. No talking, just running. I tried to lighten the mood by joking, since it was pretty obvious she didnt know what to do or say. I made her laugh, and it made me smile. After the treadmill I really didn't want to work out, I just wanted to be there with her, and talk. So I followed her around when she was doing her thing and just watched and tried to talk here and there.
I really do hate small talk though, so i try to avoid that, which only makes things difficult, because not talking to someone (and i do mean talking, not texting), for 3 years, leaves you with almost nothing to say, contrary to what you may think. Since yesterday, though, she's been asking me to hang out, which is awesome because I've been trying to get her to hang out for months now unsuccessfully.
Even though for now this is a secret friendship, I can see it becoming very rewarding.
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| 4-18-09 |
[18 Apr 2009|07:12pm] |
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Emily sent me a song from John Mayer called "Comfortable." I think this was sent to me before, but it never meant anything to me until just now. Those lyrics seem like they were written from my thoughts.
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| 4-14-09 |
[14 Apr 2009|01:52am] |
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Had a normal night at work, save for the fact that the district manager was there for about an hour. Whenever he is there everyone is on edge. I even got shit because my socks are white. After work, though, I headed to the ale house and met up with anthony. Brie was there, and dallas came later on with Jana. After the last 2 got there, Brie left to hang out with them at the bar while anthony and I stayed at the high top. We talked for a good hour about shit thats been going on with us ever since I left Flanigans. A lot has changed with him, and I guess me too. It was nice to see him again, I miss working at Flanigans and goofin' off with him non-stop. I miss Flanigans. That was an awesome place to work sometimes. He's making good money now too. It's been 6 months, maybe I'll see if I can go back.
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| another tat |
[13 Apr 2009|12:53am] |
Would be awesome to have. Not only does it show love for my 2nd favorite band, but it also is kinda symbolic of how I feel about myself; Unable to take flight and bound to shackles, created by both myself and others.
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| 4-12-08 |
[12 Apr 2009|11:54pm] |
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I wonder why easter holds such an ironic significance to me...
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| 4-11-09 |
[11 Apr 2009|12:58am] |
What a wasted day.
Tried to meet up with her, got lost, found my way there after an hour, texted, but metro sucks, so they all got to her at once. Wasted gas and a $10 parking fee. I took a moment after I found out I missed her to take in the view. It was serene, almost-perfect. The water looks beautiful from 4 stories up. The sky was a vivid blue, pretty cloudy though. I leaned against the wall of the building and just took it in for a moment. It was too bad I couldn't share that moment with anyone.
Work sucked. Made $22 on a friday night. Even if I didn't pay someone $15 so that I could get out a couple hours earlier, it would have been terrible. I don't know why, But the universe always has a way to balance out my life. Whenever I have ups, they're followed by downs. Whenever I have downs, they are followed by ups. I made good money earlier this week, and have been feeling pretty good about things all around. Tonight I felt kinda sad, not really because of things that happened earlier in the day, just kinda sad about my surroundings and wishing I was in other places.
Emily told me this morning that they don't allow cell phones during her retreat, so I can't even talk to her. Or text, until tuesday. Such crap. Wish she was here right now.
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[04 Apr 2009|04:07pm] |
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hahaha, i found them, kira
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| I'm proud of this |
[10 Feb 2009|04:40pm] |
[4:34 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: what are you up to?
[4:34 PM] Belem: writing a film review for class
[4:34 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: for what film?
[4:34 PM] Belem: vicky cristina barcelona
[4:34 PM] Belem: im re-watching the film
[4:34 PM] Belem: slash procrastinating
[4:35 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: foreign?
[4:35 PM] Belem: no
[4:35 PM] Belem: its a woody allen film
[4:35 PM] Belem: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497465/
[4:35 PM] Belem: it's pretty magnificent
[4:36 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: its about lesbians?
[4:36 PM] Belem: haha
[4:36 PM] Belem: no
[4:36 PM] Belem: why would you think that?
[4:36 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: "Two girlfriends on a summer holiday in Spain become enamored..."
[4:36 PM] Belem: enamored w/Javier bardem's character
[4:36 PM] Belem: not w/each other
[4:36 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: yea but
[4:36 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: 2 girlfriends?
[4:36 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: what am i supposed to think?
[4:37 PM] Belem: that just means friends
[4:37 PM] Belem: such a perv
[4:37 PM] Belem: haha
[4:37 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: well what would you think if it said, "two bowfriends on a summer holiday..."
[4:37 PM] Belem: but there is some lesbian kissing going w/bardem, his ex-wife and cristina
[4:37 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: i mean
[4:37 PM] Belem: that's different
[4:37 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: bowfriends, lol
[4:37 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: boyfriends
[4:37 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: more like BOWLfriends, amirite?
[4:37 PM] Belem: convention doesnt dictate two guy friends as bowfriends
[4:37 PM] Belem: ...........
[4:38 PM] Belem: bowl friends?
[4:38 PM] ssAskciKnaeS: oh come on, that was pretty witty
[4:38 PM] Belem: sure
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| 2-8-09 |
[08 Feb 2009|11:23am] |
A lot of ups and downs lately.
ups - Work is getting better, but only in the money department, which I guess is the only important part about work. Been super busy lately. I don't think Emily is moving to Kansas anymore; which is good and bad I guess. I got in touch with an old friend the other day, her name is coincidentally 'Emily.' I think I resolved a few issues with Kira that had been pushed to the back of my mind for the past 3 years. We were talking a lot for a short period of a few weeks. I got a sweet big screen tv for my room from rachael. It was a pain in the ass getting it in my room and on top of my dresser, though.
downs - Michelle and jesse are going to move after the year lease is up, which means I'll have to move again. This will be the 7th move in past year and a half. To be honest, I'm worried about where I'll go. Rachael said she's moving into a 1 bedroom, and I don't blame her. That leaves me with 1 option, which is moving back with Jesse (my jesse, not michelle's). We planned to move back in with eachother a few months back, but money situations forced him to push it back a few months, which, as luck would have it, would inevitably save me from bankruptcy due to the loss of my last Job. Him delaying allowed me to find a new job, albeit a shitty one. But the thing is, I'm not sure I can afford to live with him right now. I'm only paying $530 a month right now, and with him I'll be paying around that, but with utilities and cable. I'll be dishing out around 800 a month, which at the moment seems nearly impossible. Like I said above, Kira and I had been talking more frequently, but lately not much at all. It kinda sucks, because I was enjoying corresponding with her. I hope after she's done with the move and things settle down at work we'll be able to email again.
So Emily and I 'celebrated' (I use that term loosely, hence the half-quotation marks) our 1 and a half year yesterday. And this saturday is Valentine's day. I hope I can get everything done the way I want them to. Last night I had to work, so we cut our visit short. I wanted to surprise her by driving to her house with a desert from work, but she was at the movies...with her parents. This is why I hate surprises. I can never do them right because something goes wrong.
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